I am going to be...

A sigh of relief

2006-05-08T04:46:00.000-07:00

When I didn't get a message back from him, I wandered what had happened, if anything. Did my message warrant a reply? Or was he just as sick of messages as me? Normally, the voice inside my head would have said "you wrote last, the ball is in his court now" but it's different with this one. I don't want to bullshit around and ponder about things.
So, I messaged him and asked if he wanted to come over and hang out after he finished work, fully expecting him to say "no". After all, it is a long drive, especially after just having finished work. To me surprise however, he said yes he would come and that he would cook for me....Ah, I'm in love already!! He whipped together a meal from what was in the cupboard. It was a chicken, tuna, tomato, lentil and vegie dish and wash deliciously healthy. We had a glass of wine with it-how very posh.
We then watched the OC together on the big screen and just talked and remarked on our bad timing. He's pretty special and yes ektasis... "oh no". Yes, I really like him and yes, it is dangerous to be getting emotionally invested. But, I'm not letting this one get away and if it is meant to be, it will be. The night was so nice. Having the house to ourselves was so nice. Cuddling up to someone was so nice. Laying on the couch with someone was so nice. It's just all...well...nice. Gosh, what a poor choice of a word to use. But whatever! You get the picture.

Over and Out

Jumpin'

Fu*k!n GPO

2006-05-06T16:43:00.000-07:00

I'm angry, upset, emotional, frustrated, lonely....everything actually.

Last night was simply a shitful night. It was doomed from the start.

I finished work at 7:30. I got home to a sister that was in a bad mood, and had made no attempt at getting anything ready for dinner, even after I had rang her on my way home and asked her to go and get something. Then, she bitched and winged about me having to straighten my hair and informed me that I was un-organised. Me the un-organised one, I DON'T THINK SO. On Friday night, I washed the bath, cleaned the grill, did a couple loads of washing and then my friends came over. Oh yeah, I also prepared a meal and went to the pub for going away drinks for two guys that have left. Then on Saturday, I had Netball at 9am and I got home at 1:30p, and tidied up the house and put some trash out and managed to treat myself to can of tuna for lunch (yay!) And so in between all of this I was supposed to straighten my hair? Given me a FU!*in break! All the while, she had taken herself out every night and left me to do various house chores. Don't get me wrong, I am all for going out and having a good time, but to turn around to me and accuse me of being 'un-organised'...I'm pissed. I have done EVERYTHING so far and she didn't even have Uni on Thursday or Friday.

(You thought my rant was over didn't you?....no, it's not)

Then last night, she hadn't printed off the map from whereis.com, like I had asked her to. Just one simple task. You see, we were off to Bacchus Marsh for my cousin's 21st. We stopped at Macca's for dinner and I did my make up in the car because she wanted to leave ASAP. But the disturbing thing about all this is that she wanted to leave early so she could get back to GPO early. She said at one point "we need to get back early because we won't get in otherwise." Now, to me, a nightclub shouldn't take priority over a cousin's 21st. Anyway, she drove there and it was fine. The party was great. We left at about 10:45 and I drove back. When then went to pick up a friend of hers in Essendon and she managed to contact a guy who could get us in. Sweet! Everyone is happy. Then the REAL shit starts. 1. We can't find a car park. 2. We find a car park and discover that it closes @ midnight (it was by this time 12) 3. I drive off again in search of a car park 4. My sis is throwing things in the car and cursing about how it's all B.S. and I am the one driving in all this. 5. We drive past the place several times and the line is huge. 6. The friend that was going to get us in can no longer do it 6. I finally find a park two blocks away 7. The girls get out and piss off one me, leaving me to scale two blocks of the city alone in a boob tube 8. I was freezing and guys were harassing me as I walked alone. 9. I ring Hamish and he says "I want to see you but if you have to wait out in the cold for half hour, is it really worth it?" I say "too late, I am already am and that I would keep in touch and that I was going to try to get in." 10. Get there, the situation looks hopeless, I message him and ask if they are going to go anywhere else. He says, they are going to leave in 15 mins cause he's tired. 11. I said "I am probably going to drop the girls off at local bar and go home so if you come out in the next 10, say hi to me" 11. Then I get no reply and I finally write back "we are going now. What a shit" and that I "really wanted to see him."
I got no reply again and am still yet to receive one. I so fuckin over the messages, as they got us no where last night. So, I dropped the girls off...dissapointed at my sisters self centereness and upset I didn't get to see Hamish and don't now know when I will again. I did however receive an email from my folks, saying that they were safe in Italy. So that was good, as I have been trying to call Dad to make sure everything was OK.

That's enough of that. I am going into the city to buy something for myself today. Forgetting about boys, nightclubs, sisters and responsibility.

Over and Out

Not so Jumpin'.

The 6 Things...

2006-04-27T16:04:00.000-07:00

Firstly, to ekstasis who tagged me. This is a rather negative exercise, though I am going to do it for some reason un-known to me yet.

1. I hate that I am weak around people and let many others have power over me- I can't stand up for myself.

2. I hate that I feel so much guilt before I ask my parents if I am allowed to do something. I am 21 right? True, so technicaally, I am 'my own boss'.Many would ask why I put up with it. You see, my parents are good to me and I have come to realise just how lucky I am to be living in a genuinely nice home environment and I don't want to give that up. So, there's really not much to put up with.

3. I hate that I sometimes mold myself to suite a situation or the type of people I hang around with. Actually, it is more that I express or repress elements of myself around different people. Is this a bad thing?

4. I hate that I am not daring enough sometimes. I am just so overcome by the CONSEQUENCES...it is always about the CONSEQUENCES.

5. I hate that I am soooo negative and insecure about boys. Like the other day for example. The new boy on the scene hadn't called yet to confirm our date. Automatically, I went into panic mode and just thought....here we go again, he's going to message and say he has other plans, or not message at all. But, it all worked out well in the end. Maybe this will be different?

6. I hate that I can't...OK, I have to think of the 6th one, I am sure it will come to me.

Over & Out

Jess

My Birthday...

2006-04-15T23:08:00.000-07:00

So, it was my 21st yesterday and did it go off with a BANG! (And no, I don't mean that kind of bang!)

It kicked off with my family/ family friends and an afternoon tea. Almost everyone made it, except for my aunty Coral and my best friend, who both had good excuses, so that was good.

I got some truly beautiful gifts and cards with really nice things written about me. The most novel present was the Euro $$ and little girl charm for a necklace. It was from Lidia and the card said "I decided that when you go off to Italy you need two things; some money to shop (ie. the Euro) and someone to look after you (ie. the little charm), as I said, a really funky present.

But more importantly....I'M ALL GIDDY...yeah that's right, there's a boy on the scene. I don't want to jinx it by going on about how fantastic he is, even though he is but...he's going away for 8 months. (CRYING) Nevertheless, I really want to get to know him more because I really think he is someone special who I would like in my life in some shape or form. Of course I would prefer him as a boy friend type thing, but that's not really possible so I'll settle for friends and...who knows what the future holds.

I spent Monday with him and met all his friends, it was all very flattering really. Then he invited me over for dinner and I met his folks; lovely people. His friends were really welcoming and his parents and brother the same...again, I don't like to get to excited about anything, but I can see myself really fitting in well with it all.

Anyway, I think I'll ask him to a movie cause I have some Gold Class tickets I would like to use and well...why not with him??

Please, feel free to tell me to get my head out of the clouds if you believe that is what I am doing!

Over & Out

About me...

2006-03-30T23:38:00.000-08:00

WEIRDEST THING I HAVE EVER DONE?

I kept a strand of hair of a boy I liked.

THE MOST SPECIAL THING ANYONE HAS EVER DONE FOR ME?

A lady at work named her baby after me. A girlfriend of mine took me on a date (I was having a rough time, and all I wanted was for someone to treat me right and take me on a date)!

MOST EMBARRASSING THING I HAVE EVER DONE?

I once asked a girl I was working with if the people that had just been in to talk to her were her grandparents; they were in fact her parents, bum bow.

FIRST TIME I EVER KISSED SOMEONE?

Year 12, I was 16.

PERSON TO WHOM I WOULD TELL EVERYTHING?

Melissa of course! However, I am quite good at telling everyone my business :)

MOST INSPIRATIONAL PERSON I EVER MET?

Lidia

FAVORITE RELATIVE?

Aunty Coral

BEST PIECE OF NATURE EVER SEEN?

Gibson's Foosteps along the Great Ocean Road, The Coral Reefs in Fiji, a lagoon on Brunie Island in TAS.

BEST PLACE VISITED?

Island in Fiji called "Magic Island"- it is truly magical.

WORST THING I HAVE EVER DONE?

I hit a walker along the Yarra bike trail when I was cycling. It was a horrible moment I will regret forever.

Ready For Some Lovin'

2006-03-26T20:20:00.000-08:00

I am sitting here and all I want is a hug... but not just any hug...a hug with love behind it...a hug from a boy. But I really don't want to fall in love now. It is less than four months before I go away and all I can think is... hell, I can't wait that long for a bit of lovin'! But you can't search for love, it just finds you. Besides, I don't want to get involved with anyone beofore I go away, nevertheless, I really am craving some affection at the moment.
On the topic of Looovvveee...I would like to share with you some wisdom Michael gave to us girls at work. It went a little something like this: ' You find your soul mate when you give up. It is then because you stop looking for what you expected your soul mate to be and you begin to consider people you would have never even considered before, people who may be different to you, but perfect for you.'I thought it was brilliant and very reassuring. So to everyone reading this blog (a whole two people probably)...just remember this little piece of wisdom. The next time that someone of the opposite approaches you and seems a tad different to anyone you would normally "go for", give them a chance, open your mind up to new opportunities.

So, I'll just sit here and have to be content with a hug from my Mum when I go home tonight.

Over and Out,

Jessie

A Little Petty...I know.

2006-03-21T21:17:00.000-08:00

The purpose of this blog was to vent and by God that is what I plan to do right now. No more realisations about myself and life changing experiences or whatever crap I've preivously written about.
I have a serious problem with tight-arses. Does an 18 who works a significant amount of hours a week still deserve to get lunch money from her Mum?? I don't think so, yet this is an ongoing practise in my house, which I think has to stop! My sister is the lucky benficiary of this overly kind act and I'm pissed off because theoretically I could have had my lunches paid for by Mum during the 3 years I attended Uni. Considering I bought my lunch almost everyday, one only has to do the math in order to ascertain that this could have been quite a saving. Nevertheless, my new moto is that what doesn't kill you is "character building" and learninig to budget on a Uni student's income was surely a skill that will benefit me later on in life. And besides, all of you who know me, know very well that I have it pretty good at home, so I truely have very little to complain about...but whatever!

Hopefully the next entry will be less glomy and more characteristic of how I feel most of the time.

Over & Out

Navy Men at Mercury Lounge

2006-03-19T03:17:00.000-08:00

I better make this a quick one, as I need my sleep, I am off to the Commonwealth games tomorrow at a slightly expensive $55 but this is an opportunity a sport lover like myself can't pass up!

So, Friday night after the dissapointment of having only one of my friends wanting to come out to see the Rogue Traders I ended up having the most incredibly fun night in ages! I went with Tilli and I did her make-up, which sounds so high school but...whatever, she looked great.

After having my ass groped rather aggressively, I turned around and gave the evil stare to three guys. One said he was sorry and I said "No you're not". Then he said "No, I really am." Then we shook hands and got chatting. So much for my teaching guys like that a lesson on how to treat a lady!! It turned out he was a landscape gardener who was originally from Tasmania, upon which we began talking about suburbs in TAS, as I lived there for a short stint (and no, I don't have and never did have a second head). Then he informed me he was now living in Sydney, and was a Navy Technician. When he told me this, I did not believe him one bit. You see...I have to outline the context in which this was said. The whole group of guys (well...the three of them and the other two "fruit pickers" we had talked to earlier in the night) had really fishy/suspicious sounding occupations. But I was wrong, out came the ID card and dog tag. OMG I was talking to a Navy officer!! This shit never happens to me. I know, I have seen way too many romantic films about finding a handsome, strong Officer who leaves the lady longing and broken hearted. It turned out that the "fruit pickers", the butch looking lesbian chicks and the other straight chicks were all in the navy...Tilli and I had just made 20 new friends.
These people really knew how to party and we joined in upon the insistence of one of the guys. There was one guy in particular, Todd, the one who pinched my butt (I think, still don't know) who I took a fancy to. He was short (not normally what I go for) but there was something about him, I suppose it was his smile :) So we all danced like lunatics for hours and there was a little bit of something with Todd but nothing happened, just a hug and an almost kiss on the mouth at the end.We left... and I'll never see him again. But the night was pretty awesome and oh yeah..the rogue traders were good too!!

So...the night we met and danced with a bunch of spunky navy officers might not sound that exciting to you all but for a romantic like me, it was so much fun and I'll remember it forever. We shared it Tilli, me and you!!

Over and Out

Earn Me

2006-02-25T14:31:00.000-08:00

This past week has been an important lesson in life. After perhaps years of my girlfriends and I bitching about the way guys treated us (and indeed some of them were really bad), I came to realise, and it was as though I had never considered it before, that girls can be just as cruel too. In one small week, I...yes me, who is never nasty to anyone, was able to make someone feel unworthy and insecure. Thats right...the shoe was finally on the other foot and being the one who didn't return phone calls to "Mr. Midnight caller" was actually hard work emotionally, that is, if you have a conscience, and I'm convinced, some people don't actually have one. In the same week, my best friend also had a similar experience. After years of being the "chaser" in relationships, she was now being chased, and to her, it felt as though there wasn't enough of a "challenge". One day she was in a shitty mood, and snapped at this sweet guy, and felt terrible about but it just proves to me that both sexes can be equally spiteful. Actions, behaviours and words can have such a profound effect on how people feel about themselves, and we should all really stop to remember that. So, my wisdom now is that: girls are no less crueler than guys when it comes to the dating game. And the moto I want all people (girls and guys) around the world to subscribe to is "Earn Me".

* Don't text me to ask me out
* Treat me with the respect I deserve
* Take me out on a date
* Don't call me when you're drunk
* Don't ditch me for your friends
* When you commit to a date, don't text me to tell me you've changed your mind

BAN MOBILE PHONES FOR THE FIRST MONTH OF DATING!!!!!!

And if you can't follow these rules, you are not "earning me" and I will wait until someone else can!

Of course, this rule is only applicable with those who are looking for a relationship, for those who just want to have a bit of fun and play the field, you know what you are in for...

Over & Out

Freaked or flattered?

2006-02-14T00:53:00.000-08:00

Well...this is my first blog! Thanks 'Angsty' for getting me into to this thing that will no doubt become an addiction.

So, I should start by explaining my title, if that is what it is called, this being "I am going to be...". I am 20, about to turn 21 and still I feel as though I don't really know what I want to do with my life. I am 3/4 through a University degree and I know that if I can do just about anything if I put my mind to it...and I don't care how modest that sounds. Life is on the whole, great at the moment. I am about to embark on my overseas European adventure with the best friend in the whole wide world. I am meeting up with my Torino friend, perhaps the only boy I have ever loved...well, at least I did when I was 16. I finally have an ipod, I have the most amazing family and group of friends and I am healthy. So, there really isn't much to complain about. Having said this, my hope for this blogg is a) to vent b) to complain, as I'd rather not burden my friends all the time and c) to possibly work out what it is that I want out of life. Gosh, it sounds so dramatic, doesn't it?

As for the title of this blogg...it involves, what I would consider a few too many phone calls. 3 in one day. So...should I be flattered or freaked???You see...the last boy didn't call and then there is this one, who by the way is just a friend, that has called everyday since we exchanged numbers. I don't want to be nasty but it's just too much. He's a sweetie but...I don't know, I need my space dude! I am going overseas, so the last thing I want to do is get involved. This isn't b/c I want to muck around over there, but I've had to say goodbye before, and...well, it sucked then, and I am sure it would suck now. Plus, there's always Yari...my Italian crush, the first boy I ever kissed.

So, as you can see, my mind is a tad all over the place. There's another guy who is always on my mind to but that's for another time.

Over and out

J